Why has it become so challenging to communicate? Are you struggling to make a Great Impression Being You because your conversations lack focus and aren’t clearly delivered?

I thought this problem was only in my head until I started talking about the Hybrid Work model, remote working, and brain fog with colleagues. It seems the struggle is real. In order to DIG IN and help others become a Powerful Communicator, I wanted to identify the major traps that could be causing you to stand out NOT in a positive way.

In my research, I uncovered an organization named Project.co. They create a client-facing project management tool. To date, they manage over 3000 projects and worked with 1,300 companies. I read an interesting survey they pushed out on communication and the present struggles associated with solid human connections in the workplace. With 444 people surveyed, over a third of people (33%) say communication has become more of a challenge in the past 12 months. Additionally, they stated over a quarter of people feel that the way businesses communicate - both internally and with customers - has deteriorated during the past year.

Yikes, not good news if you want clarity, effective workflow, transformative process and great synergy with others. How can you meaningfully connect being yourself and learn from others where everyone experiences a confident and productive exchange of information?

Let’s start with the hard truths ~ the huge communication traps that can negate your great intentions. I’m going to drop 3 communication traps that will make you stand out in a conversation in the worst way.

Finally, I’m going to present a 4-Step Powerful Communicator process to maximize synergy with others at work and in life while comfortably being yourself.

Avoid doing this.

Have conversations that translate into Telling people what to do.

Did you know that people intrinsically resist this manner of communication?

Why?

It has something to do with psychological resistance.

Also known as psychological resistance to change, the way you speak to others may challenge their freedom of choice. Feeling threatened affects your behavior. How do you present information or ideas to others? Here it’s helpful to know your communication style. Are you assertive, aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, or manipulative?

Your communication style can affect the delivery of your message and its receipt. While it’s true that some situations may call for certain styles, it’s not productive if no one is listening to you.

Learning your style and how to make it most effective will help, for example, mitigate steamrolling or building resentment with others because of a blunt tone or lack of clarity.

I find the psychological resistance trap is avoided when I take a moment to get in touch with my inner voice, increase my awareness of who I’m communicating with by honoring them with direct eye contact, and finally survey the room and environment to accurately pick up on emotions in others and understand what’s really going on.

2. Give Too many details and forget the 2% Rule.

As stated by – - in his book, End Boring: A Tactical Approach to Public Speaking and Communication, the 2% rule says that most people will only remember one thing you said and walk away with a general impression of you ~ so don’t drown people in details initially.

Let them become curious about what you’re talking about first. Let one key message resonate and have authentic meaning in their work or personal life. Isn’t your ultimate goal in communicating for others to hear and become transformed?

I unpack one key idea and watch for curiosity cues. I actively listen and discern. There’s usually a look someone gives me when they’re full and can’t eat another bite. I save the details for an office lunch & learn, a work dinner, a workshop, or a course.

Avoid the trap of TMI by sticking to the personable essence of your message, leaving space for maximum synergy with others.

3. Have No storytelling skin in the conversation game.

I read an article that stated, “there’s a middle ground between geezer and geek.” I believe there’s a middle ground between being too formal and third-persony. Leaving your story out of a conversation can be a turn-off. The language you use should sound like a conversation, and bringing in your relevant experiences will help you avoid becoming boh-ring.

Listen if you’re already working on communication skills and immediately eliminating being off-putting, curt, or inappropriate, save the storytelling lesson until after you manicure your style, tone, and diplomacy.

However, if there are a couple of tweaks in communication success needed here and there, begin to repackage how you communicate by using a personal “before and after” experience to get your key message across. Get your individual or collective audience provoked and curious enough to ask “Why” or “How can this work”.

Effective communication must be engaging even when explaining, and if you avoid investing personally in the conversation and forming strong personal relationships, then you won't be able to avoid the trap of communicating with an ineffective voice that hides your personality.

What adjective BEST describes your voice?

Are you personal, impersonal, authoritative, reflective, passionate, funny… Use your voice in an appropriate, inviting, and synergistic way!

Start doing this.

The 4-Step Powerful Communicator approach will maximize synergy with others at work and in life while allowing you to be yourself.

Know your purpose in the conversation.

A conversation isn’t just a conversation. I believe God wants me to understand my purpose and why I’m on earth. I also believe that I come into my place of wholeness when I connect with others with generosity, honesty, loyalty, integrity, mercy, truth, and love.

Whether I’m maximizing synergy at work or in my other life experiences, I am actually connecting and engaging with God. My sphere of authority and my voice is linked with my identity and purpose.

Listening more and being more present in conversations is vital. Priya Parker explains in her book, The Art of Gathering, that one of the ways we create meaning is through conversation. Working as an expert in conflict resolution for over 15 years, she reminds me to keep my purpose front and center. Why am I connecting with this person? Why am I bringing this team together? Am I connecting meaningfully?

A conversation could be an opportunity to learn or connect. You can learn without connecting if you’re not in tune with your purpose. As I continue to study human and group dynamics, I want to understand why we’re connecting and what the individual or group really wants from the conversation.

How will you change your next conversation from underwhelming to transformative? How will you connect purpose to show others you value their time? Will you create a space on purpose so the maximum synergy with others can occur? Will you rely more heavily on the gifts God designed you with than the “crutch of learning” you were taught?

Will you trust that your unique personality and design will rightly connect with others ~ filled with purpose?

2. Help the listener and audience recall what you’re talking about.

I usually ask myself what the listener and I have in common. What common meanings can I use to build trust? I take those answers and begin with a personal story. Once I discern we are connecting and have a mutual desire that needs to be fulfilled, I state my key idea or message. My message is clear and focused, preferably with no more than seven to twenty words. My story should invoke an image that helps the listener easily recall my key idea or message.

Commonalities can include work tasks, work behavior patterns, workflow problems, gender or cultural gaps or strengths, spiritual alignment, terms and industry work slang, etc.

Building trust and creating curiosity draws you into a relationship with the listener and audience, which is a great benefit to help reduce disconnection and isolation. Harvard Business Review spoke with respected screenwriting lecturer Robert McKee about techniques to keep executives from getting lost in companyspeak. McKee stated, “You must use stories to fulfill a human need that grasps the patterns of living.”

Another benefit is creating a support system to allow for further and deeper communication. The listener will recall what you’re talking about if you go beyond merely an “intelligent” exercise. I believe a nurturing dialogue could also be helpful if you desire to move your attachment style from avoidant to secure.

That’s what I call maximum synergy!

3. Give ONE key message for maximum clarity and focus.

Patricia Fripp, Hall of Fame keynote speaker, executive speech coach, and the first woman elected President of the National Speakers Association, shared that you only have thirty seconds to capture your listener’s attention ~ so make it count!

When speaking to a workplace team, I believe we can reach a goal if I unite one key message with emotion. I know they are arguing with me in their heads, but I have a better chance of moving us toward a mutually beneficial outcome if we stay focused and clear on one message. For example, if the key message is to create a data entry system where the entire team can see a final project document for review and execution, then the key message is about defining our needs. We won’t get bogged down in evaluating our system options, implementing our software, or maintaining our database until we are clear on our needs. The emotional part is giving a vivid insight into what a workflow disaster will look like if the team doesn’t get their needs properly identified (i.e. frustration, missed deadlines, contract breach, an unprofessional impression from the client). McKee calls it the “inciting incident.”

Here’s an example of a key message to my team: How can we refine our needs to get our SOW document executed quicker, thereby tripling our productivity?

Is there a key message you’ve been rehearsing recently?

Write down your struggle between the expectation and reality of what you want to communicate. This exercise will help you create a clear and focused message that will maximize synergy with others and help you use your authentic voice. Practice doing this for about 30-70 days so you can learn your very own perfect way to have a conversation and make a lasting impression. If it’s uniquely you - it’s perfect!

4. Start your conversation with a question.

For example, using “why” or “how would that work for us” creates curiosity. A study I reviewed in the journal of Psychological Science found that “the happy life is social and conversationally deep… and may have the potential to make people happier.” Social intelligence is improved when you learn how to embrace opportunities to start or further conversations with others.

Asking a question helps to move a conversation forward, expanding information sharing and improving active listening skills.

Here are some examples to help you maximize synergy with others and make your listener curious about your conversation together:

What is important to you about _____________?

What are your thoughts around_____________?

What beliefs are driving you to_____________?

Do you sense that_________________? If not, what is standing in the way?

How would this decision work for us?

When we talk about using this process, what immediately comes to mind?

I use all types of questions to broaden the learning process. So including probing, open and closed-ended questions, and guiding and clarifying questions are all good when the ultimate goal is to have transparent and authentic conversations and build trust. Diverse questions broaden the conversational playing field and maximize synergy with others.

Knowing how to facilitate meaningful feedback improves trust and innovation between individuals and teams. A transformative question should foster communication that stirs curiosity. A powerful communicator can help deliver feedback that’s reflective, succinct, and action-oriented. This technique takes time but can be mastered with practice and high-level EQ/Personality skills.

Having conversations can seem challenging, but with practice, you can definitely jump over the hurdles, close the gaps and cultivate a connection that makes the right impression. You are engaging. Use these transformation tips to Be the wise leader you were created to be!

Is There a Perfect Way to Have a Conversation?